beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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