There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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