We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
