3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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