You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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