remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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