He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize