I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize