so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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