I CAN MOONWALK!
Say something about gay babies.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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