dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
