I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
