I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
