first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
