My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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