Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize