After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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