I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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