I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have aggressive nipples.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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