No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
