My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
