Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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