im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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