the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
