I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
