That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
