Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
