She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
