I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
