you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
