I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
