hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I forget how to act sober
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
