U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
