Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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