Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Itโs gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylanโs party
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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