K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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