youre lurking in front of me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
