Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
