I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
