Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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