What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
