guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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