so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
