apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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