Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
