I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
