i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
