Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
