i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
