Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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