I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
