At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
