In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
