i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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