i think i have two assholes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
