1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize