There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
