FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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