The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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