The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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