it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
