508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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