I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
