last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
