i don't like sucking hair
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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