Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
