Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
