Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
